Torture those stars!
by staremerald
Summary: What happens when you pick about 12 characters from a bunch of different shows and books and decide to torture them in the most painful way possible? Insanity, Love and Torture all in one great fanfic! Chapter 4 up!
1. Chapter 1

This is just a random story I felt like writing up.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this fanfic._

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_Hello and welcome to this season's edition of 'Torture those stars!" Our host today will be the same as usual, the gorgeous, the intelligent, did I mention she's beautiful, staremerald!_

"Thank you, thank you," staremerald said, putting up her hands to silence the cheering crowd who were cheering enthusiastically. "Today the game show will be held on the Death Star, from Star Wars! Yay Death Star!"

"Yay!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically. They are all transported to the main meeting area on the world famous Death Star.

"Okay," staremerald, "Let's meet our guests or contestants for this show!"

"Yay!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"First we have Raven from the hit show 'Teen Titans!" _Raven falls in through the ceiling._ "Raven is a spunky, Goth who is very creepy and is sending me a death look at the moment and I think I'll shut up now!" _Raven looks triumphant. _"Also from the 'Teen Titans' we have Kitten!" _Kitten falls in through the ceiling. _"Kitten is a loser who thinks that she will someday win Robin's heart! Isn't that funny?"

"HA HA!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

Staremerald waits for her audience to finish laughing and then continues, "We also have Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood from off of 'Harry Potter' _Both girls crash through the ceiling. _" Hermione Granger is a smart student who is always focused on her grades. Luna is just…what's the word I'm looking for…ah yes, 'weird.'

"What does 'Ungraphitable' mean?" Luna asks, proving Staremerald's point.

"What?" the crowd cheered enthusiastically. Staremerald shrugs.

"Anyway, we also have Cosmo from 'Fairly Odd Parents!' _Cosmo crashes through the ceiling. _Cosmo is an idiot who never gets things right!" (A.N. Don't worry, I love Cosmo too, so please don't sent me flames!)

"I like corn because corn is niiiiice," Cosmo says, poofing an ear of corn into his hands and hugging it.

"We also have everyone's favorite mud boy, Artimis Fowl!" _Artimis crashes through the ceiling. _Artimis is a child prodigy!"

"Wow!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically. Artimis bows.

"I know, I know," he says.

"Hey!" staremerald complains. "Saying things twice is my thing!"

"Do you have a disclaimer on that?" Artimis asks.

"Huh?" Staremerald asks.

"Exactly. Only an idiot such as yourself would forget to put disclaimers."

"Who are you calling idiot?" Cosmo, Luna and staremerald say at the same time.

"Anyway," staremerald continues, shooting Artimis a I-hate-you-so-much-but-since-your-a-guest-I'll-deal-with-you-later-when-I-get-my-lightsaber-out-of-my-room-and-do-a-lightsaber-to-Artimis's-head-maneuver, "We also have two more movie characters, Darthy and Yoda!" _Darth Vader and Yoda walk into the room._

"Greetings to you staremerald," Yoda says as a greeting.

"I HATE YOU!" Darth Vader shrieks to Yoda. (A.N. Inside joke. You know the way in 'Revenge of the Sith' Obi and Ani are fighting and Obi says "You were like my brother!" and Ani looks up and says "I hate you!" like some freak.)

"Yes, but I love you!" staremerald calls dreamily.

"Ewwwww!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Shut up!" staremerald shouts.

"Calm down, you must," Yoda says to Darth Vader. Darth Vader turns to staremerald.

"Padme?"

"Ewwwww!" staremerald says, vomiting. (A.N. Another inside joke.) "But you can date me if you want-"

_**Staremerald!**_

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. She turned back to her guests. "Okay, so we have Raven and Kitten, Hermione and Luna, Cosmo, Artimis and Yoda and Darthy!"

"Don't call me Darthy!" Darth Vader complained.

"Deal with it, I think it's cute," staremerald says.

"I HATE YOU!" Darth Vader shrieks.

"Whatever. Anyway, welcome to 'Torture those stars!' Today, you have been chosen among millions to compete in this game show and prove who is the weakest and who is the strongest player. There will be seven challenges, each testing your mental ability-"

"Then this shall be easy," Artimis said. Hermione held up a fist.

"Bring it on Fowl!"

"Hem, hem!" staremerald said. Both geniuses looked at staremerald. "Anyway, each testing your mental ability as WELL as your physical."

"Then fun this shall be!" Yoda said bringing out his light saber. _Staremerald uses the force and pulls it towards her. Yoda pulls it back, so they are having a tug-and-war fight with a floating light saber._

"Give it here," Staremerald screams.

"Never I will," Yoda shouts back. _Raven steps in between the two, picks up the light saber and throws it out the window._

"No!" Yoda yells. "Did you know how much cost it did?"

"Huh?" Kitten asks.

"Never mind. Morons do not understand what saying I am."

"Huh?" Kitten repeats.

"Can you anything else say?" Yoda asks.

"Huh?" Kitten asks again, still confused.

"ANYWAY, You will now proceed to your rooms on the death star and then the first task shall begin!"

"What is the first task?" Hermione asks.

"Spin the bottle," staremerald says evilly. She looks up at the ceiling and laughs. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_**Please excuse staremerald. She will be back shortly. (She forgot her medicine this morning!)**_

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Please review and tell me what you think! 


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys!

Raving Rebby is here! Ha, ha...

Reviewers:

ttinuhpfanforever: Yes, poor person it is. For you reviewing, thanks.

Athena-Tonks42: You really think it's funny? I have this friend, and she says my stories are lacking 'funny'. What do you think?

Carrot-head: Thank you for finally taking the time out of your busy schedule to read this! I know your very busy playing games on to read my stories!And it really wasn't that bad, was it?

DStar504: I am so touched, you guys rule!

a random person: Thanks for reviewing but you didn't have to do it twice! lol!

Disclaimer: Don't own any of these cool characters!

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"Dumb kids! Now I have to fix the ceiling!" The Janitor complained.

_Two hours later…_

"Finally done!" The janitor congratulated himself. _Contestants fall through the ceiling and staremerald walks in the room._

"I miss walking into the room," Darth Vader told Luna, who nodded and patted his shoulder sympathetically as they fell hard on the ground.

"Yay! Staremerald is back!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Thank you, thank you!" staremerald says, putting up her hands to stop the wildly cheering crowd, who were…uh…wildly out of control.

"$#&$#&!" The janitor cursed, looking up at the huge hole in the ceiling.

"Oooooo! You said '$#&$#&' !" Cosmo said, moving his forefinger down his other so they made a cross shape.

"**$#&$#&!" **The janitor cursed violently again.

"What colorful language…" Staremerald said, trailing off. "SECURITY!"

"You can't call the security on the janitor!" Hermione said in the janitor's defense.

"Yes you can!" Artimis said, ready to show the world that he was smarter than Hermione.

"I think I shall start S.P.J.W.!" Hermione said happily.

"What does that mean?" Kitten asked Hermione.

"Stupid that girl is," Yoda told Raven, who nodded in agreement.

"It's the society of protection for Janitor's welfare!" Hermione responded hotly.

"Why protect the stupid Janitor?" Artimis demanded, still trying to disagree with Hermione.

"They don't get enough payment!" Hermione responded.

"Look Hermione, you seem smart-" began Luna. Artimis snorted in laughter.

"Pertrificus Totalus!" Hermione shrieked at Artimis, pulling out her wand. Her wand made a raspberry sound (A.N. Like when you stick your tongue out) and flopped over.

"Umm, what is going on?" Kitten asked, clueless.

"Idiot you are," Yoda commented under his breath.

"Your wand is dead. We want to make sure that you don't try to poof yourself out of here," staremerald responded calmly. She turned to Raven. "That counts for powers too."

And to Darth Vader and Yoda. "And your lightsabers."

"Oh really?" Darth Vader asked, whipping out his lightsaber. He ignited it and slashed it across Staremerald's neck. It didn't work. "What the?" he asked, shaking it. Staremerald opened her hand. Inside lay two small batteries.

"I took the batteries out." Darth Vader looked at his lightsaber, then at staremerald, then back at his weapon again, then at staremerald again.

"I HATE YOU!" He shrieked.

"Oh, Darthy, I love you too," staremerald said calmly. She turned to the other contestants.

"May we begin now?"

"Begin what? And what does Ungraphitable mean?" Luna asked.

"The Spin the bottle. And I'm not telling you," staremerald said happily.

"HA HA!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically. Luna hung her head. Kitten walked over.

"It hurts, I know," Kitten said comfortingly. Luna looked up, laughing.

"She thinks we're playing spin the bottle!" she said, tears splashing down her front.

"We are," Raven said, rolling her eyes.

"We…are?" Luna asked.

"Oh my goodness," Hermione commented. Staremerald grinned evilly and snapped her fingers. All the stands and contestants disappeared. The janitor stood watching.

"So much for S.P.J.W…." He said, fixing the hole again.

"Welcome contestants and audience to…" staremerald gave that creepy smile again, "The BASEMENT!"

"Wow, I hope it's not too frightening," Artimis said, rolling his eyes.

Staremerald shot Artimis a I-hate-you-so-much-but-since-your-a-guest-I'll-deal-with-you-later-when-I-get-my-lightsaber-out-of-my-room-and-do-a-lightsaber-to-Artimis's-head-maneuver.

She produced a bottle from behind her back. She snapped her fingers and all the guests appeared at a round table. Staremerald placed the bottle in the center.

"Ready to play 'Torture those stars!'?" staremerald asked the audience.

"YES!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Alright!" staremerald said excitedly. She spun. It landed on Cosmo.

"Me?" he asked. Staremerald nodded. "But I have a wife!"

"Cheat, cheat, cheat!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically. Cosmo spun. It landed on Luna.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically. Cosmo leant over and kissed Luna lightly on the lips. "Yay!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"And again…" staremerald said, spinning the treacherous bottle once more. It landed on Artimis. He gulped and spun. It landed on Raven.

"No way," he whispered. Raven leaned over and gently kissed Artimis, much to his displeasure. She walked away from the table and puked.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad...oh god, I am that bad?" Artimis said.

"YES!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Cows..." Artimis muttered under his breath.

Staremerald spun again. It landed on Artimis.

"This is isn't fair," Artimis complained spinning the deadly bottle. It landed on Hermione. She blushed. Artimis smiled and walked over to her. They began to kiss passionately until staremerald broke them up.

_**Get a room!**_

"Yeah, the big creepy mysterious voice is right!" Luna shouted. Hermione and Artimis turned red.

"I think staremerald should have to go!" Raven screamed. "I had to kiss…I had to kiss…" she broke off, shivering violently.

"Poor kid, she never had a chance," Cosmo said, hugging Raven. She looked up, glaring. Cosmo backed away.

"Fine! I'll go! Happy?" staremerald said.

"HA HA!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically. Staremerald turned to her audience.

"Oh shut up…"

She spun. It landed in a tinsy gap which wasn't inhabited by anyone. The arrow pointed straight at Darth Vader, who was sulking by the wall. Staremerald lept up, hearts in her eyes. Darth Vader finally noticed everyone staring at him.

"What?"

"Kiss the evil chick you must, kiss the evil chick you must," Yoda sang tauntingly.

"Noooooooooooo!" Darth Vader screamed, falling to his knees. (A.N. Remember from Star Wars III?) "Waaaaaaaaaa!"

"Pathetic," Artimis said. Darth Vader gave Artimis a I-hate-you-so-much-but-since-your-a-guest-I'll-deal-with-you-later-when-I-get-my-lightsaber-out-of-my-room-and-do-a-lightsaber-to-Artimis's-head-maneuver.

_**Would you just all Shut up! Staremerald doesn't have to kiss Darthy!**_

"Don't call me Darthy!"

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. She winked at Darth Vader and gave him a quick kiss. He didn't look too upset after being kissed by staremerald, in fact, he looked like he rather enjoyed it. He tossed the bottle to Kitten.

"Your turn." Kitten smiled and turned the bottle. It landed on a certain green muppet.

_**HA HA!**_

"Uh uh," Kitten said, backing away. "There is no way-"

"Yes! No way there is! Kiss the moron I will not!" Yoda said, looking even more scared than Kitten.

"Yeah!" Kitten agreed. She then looked at the alien. "Wait…who are you calling moron?"

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!" The crowd cheered enthusiastically. Kitten, looking revolted, leaned down and kiss Yoda. They parted a second later.

"Must find bathroom!" Yoda said, running out of the room, looking more green than usual.

"Get a tic-tac!" Kitten shrieked after him. "Your breath smells!" She too ran out, chucking breath mints ahead of her.

"Oh-kay," staremerald said. She turned back to her guests.

"May I ask what-" Raven began.

"Ungraphitable means!" Luna shouted.

"-task comes next?" Raven finished.

"A basketball game for physical strength," staremerald replied.

"Shoot," Hermione and Artimis said in unison.

"But first, a word from our sponsers!" staremerald said, ever the host.

"My Bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R. My Bologna has a second name it's M-A-Y-O-R. And- 

_**STOP THE TORTURE!**_

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Hands up who is sick of that comercial!

Review please!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry I haven't updated in a while...I do have a life you know.

Reviewers:

Athena-Tonks42: I'm really, really, REALLY glad you think it's funny!

ttinuhpfanforever: If she is a brainless idiot, than don't I have the right to torture her?

notyouraverageblond: Hola Leiummy! Glad you like this story, glad your back and so glad the sixth Harry Potter book is coming out! Yay harry potter! See you Wednesday!

Phishy2: It's not my fault me and Darth Vader are meant to be. If he enjoyed it, than it's his problem, not mine. It's fate okay, so deal.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Do you? Can I buy them from you?

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"Hey and Welcome back to 'Torture those stars!'" staremerald calls, zapping herself, the audience and the victims-uh, I mean contestants into the room.

"Wait a moment, wasn't one of us supposed to be kicked off in that round?" Artimis asked.

"No, I thought about it and I decided to not kick any of you off, because then you'd miss all the fun!" staremerald said happily.

"What fun?" Raven asked.

"You know, the spinning the bottle and all that stuff and all the torture and stuff we're gonna do?" Cosmo asked. His eyelids lowered a bit. "Good times, good times…"

"Why are we still on the Death Star?" Hermione asked. "Oh my god, I forgot about the poor janitor!"

"Forget the stupid janitor! And now I have to split you into different teams," staremerald said. "You will be in teams of two." She grinned evilly. "Why don't we have Luna and Kitten, Raven and Darthy, Cosmo and Yoda and Hermione and Artimis!"

"But he sucks!" Hermione said. Artimis growled. "Look, you're a good kisser, but you suck at basketball."

"I do not!" Artimis protested.

"OH YES YOU DO!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Tacos…" Artimis muttered.

"Let's go!" staremerald shouted and she snapped her fingers. The audience appeared in their normal clothes but the vi-I mean contestants were not so lucky. Kitten and Luna were in matching dresses, both a hot-pink color. Cosmo and Yoda were in just wearing shorts, which were green and no shirts. Artimis and Hermione had appeared in lab coats, each of them wearing safety goggles and holding a periodic table of elements. Darth Vader and Raven appeared in normal Jedi clothes, bright red with dead-red (A.N. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!) cloaks over their shirts, pants and boots. Darth Vader's mask had been removed and he had his face covered with the hood.

"Oh my god! You're not wearing your mask! Let me see!" staremerald squealed. She ran up and tried to pull his hood off. Darth Vader was too fast though. "Let me see!" staremerald pouted. Darth Vader seemed to think for a moment.

"No."

"Fine." She turned away and her outfit changed to that of a perky, valley-girl cheerleader complete with matching blue pom-poms. Her hair turned blond and eyes blue. (A.N. I am not saying that blonds are usually cheerleaders, I just always wanted blond hair and actually colorful eyes, instead of the dull brown)

"Here we go,

And now I think,

The teams to play,

Are green and pink!" staremerald cheered. Kitten and Luna shakily turned to face Cosmo and Yoda, who where having an argument about green.

"Green is green, yes?" Yoda complained.

_**Can we start?**_

"Yes, but you can have different types of green. There's electric green, lime green, dark green-"

_**Can we please start!**_

"even darker green, even darker than darker green, even darker than even darker than dark green-"

_**CAN WE PLEASE START!**_

"Sure," Cosmo said happily.

"Why did not just ask you?" Yoda asked.

_**GRRRRRRRRR!**_

"Green and Pink,

Go into position,

Here comes the ball,

Let's start the transition!"staremerald cheered.

"What transition?" Luna asked. "And what does Ungraphitable mean?"

"Transition rhymes with position, that's why I picked it." Staremerald threw the ball in the air. "GO!"

**_And Luna has possession of the ball! She's making her way down the court, and oh! Yoda grabbed the ball with the force and is aiming for the hoop on the opposite end of the court…he shoots, he scores! What a shot! But chin up Pink team! It's not the end of the game yet!_**

Two hours later… 

_**Oh and it's the end of the game, leaving the score 5-10! You should thank your stars that Luna is on your team Kit-Kat, or you probably would have lost wit a deafening 0-10!**_

"Grrrr…." Kitten said angrily, beginning to hiss and spit like an angry cat.

_**And next up, we have the white team against the red!**_

Artimis and Hermione made their way towards the court. Raven and Darth Vader were at the other side, glaring evilly at the poor scientists.

"Don't be scared,

Team white is okay,

But maybe it's not,

Because red'll win anyway!" cheered staremerald.

"Thanks!" Artimis said, as Hermione burst into tears.

"I'm gonna lose, oh my god, I'm gonna lose…" she murmured.

"Oh 'Mione, don't be sad," Artimis said, kneeling down to comfort her.

"It's all your fault!" Hermione shouted, looking up angrily. "Why couldn't you be a really bad kisser and a really good basketball player?"

"Okay, let's go!" staremerald squealed, throwing the ball into the air.

_**And Hermione has the ball, no wait, Raven has the ball! She's on her way down the court but oh! Artimis has taken it! He's running the other way, no wait, he seems to be choking, Darth Vader, that's against the rules! Penalty!**_

"Yeah. Penalty," Artimis wheezed, taking a big gulp of air as Darth Vader let go.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Darth Vader said apologetically. "I didn't know, it won't happen again-"

"He's lying!" shrieked Hermione.

**_Well, since Darth Vader pretended not to know the rules and staremerald thinks he's really hot, we'll let him off!_**

"What?" Hermione protested.

"Ha ha," Darth Vader taunted.

"Why you…" Hermione stomped over and smacked Darth Vader with her paper periodic table of elements.

**_PENALTY!_**

"How about,

We ignore this scene,

And carry the game on,

While I scream! Wooooo!" staremerald cheered.

_**Fine! You cow! So Darth Vader has the ball, no wait, Hermione does! You go girl! No wait, that was Raven, my bad. Raven, not Hermione is going up towards the goal and she has scored! Nice one! Artimis has the ball but he's choking again! Darth Vader, stop it!**_

"My finger slipped…" Darth Vader lied.

Two hours later…

_**And it looks like team red has won 0-10!**_

"Going to kick their butts also, are we?" asked Yoda, pointing at the red team.

"I HATE YOU!" Darth Vader shrieked.

"Actually,

No your not,

We've seen you play,

Now thanks a lot!" staremerald said, waving her pom-poms.

"Can you please stop the dumb cheerleading act?" Raven said.

"Hum. Fine." Staremerald snaps her fingers, and she turns back to normal. "Green doesn't need to play red because all the teams have played once so me and the big, mysterious, creepy voice can see who has won this round. But sadly, we can't tell you."

"Moi?" Kitten said, looking proud.

"Uh, no. Thank you and goodnight! We'll see you tomorrow on 'Torture those stars!'"

"Before we go, what's the next round?" Cosmo asked.

"Dares…" staremerald said in that chilling, evil voice. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"She really needs to get a life…" Kitten said to Yoda. And for the first time in his life, Yoda agreed.

Lights go out and Luna is the only one still there

"Hello? Anyone there?" Luna asked. "AND WHAT DOES UNGRAPHITABLE MEAN!"

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Ah, poor Luna. Don't forget to review! 


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys!

Reviewers:

kikofreako: Thank you!

ivorypanther: So are you laughing at my story, or at the pixie sticks?

StickLad: Thank you for your idea. I'm too tired to make one now, maybe later?

ttinuhpfanforever: She's tortured in this one too. I know, Artimis and Hermione! Adorable, eh?

DragonGirl: Thank you! You'll see now!

Athena-Tonks42: I love Luna too, she's my favorite character also, sorry if you felt insulted...

notyouraverageblond: Don't you diss my boyfriend!

BBfan4evah: Did you really laugh? Out loud?

Overactive Mind: You have asked me a question so I will answer it in a moment, as I have one for you. BTW? What the hell does that mean? Now, in answer to your question: Artimis Fowl is from a series called Artimis Fowl. Go to your local library, I'm sure they'll have a copy there. They are a very good series.

ChinaWings: I like the Darthy thing too, it's adorable, eh?

pyrotechnic: Here's your update!

Shadowofazarath: So where's your ass now?

Ian Gainsborough: I just took a bunch of characters. This story isn't supposed to have a point, it's just for fun. And you're really not one to talk. Powerpuff girls?

chainedfreedom11: One order of more torture, coming right up!

Phishy2: Thanks, but no thanks. I have already decided.

Kick-Me-When-Im-Down: Thank you for the ideas, but I'm just going to have Artimis and Hermione and me and Darthy. But thank you, I might use some of your ideas later on!

Mr. Dark Side: DARTH VADER ROCKS SO MUCH!I AM THE BIGGEST STAR WARS FAN! And what the hell is with the Barbie Doll thing?

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"Hey everyone!" staremerald shouted loudly to the audience.

"We love you staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Who do you love?"

"You!"

"I think I must have something stuck in my ear, because I still can't hear you. Who do you love?"

"You!"

"Sorry, you'll have to speak up. Who do you love?"

"YOU!"

_**STAREMERALD! GAME SHOW FIRST AND AUDIENCE LATER!**_

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. "Here's the dumb contestants." Staremerald snaps fingers and contestants fall the ceiling.

"Dammnit!" the janitor said from the audience.

"Oooooo! You said 'Dammnit!' " Cosmo said, moving his forefinger down his other so they made a cross shape.

"Dares we do now?" Yoda asked.

"Yep," staremerald said creepily.

"But sleep last night I could not! Snore like an atomic bomb ignorant Mud Boy did last night even though across the hall from me he was! Artimis turns red and everyone laughs except for Raven and Darth Vader.

"Laughing is for mortals," Darth Vader said.

"Only the stupid ones," Raven added.

"And now," staremerald said, "We start!" She stopped laughing, snapped her fingers and they were all transported to a room. The audience were still in their stands but the contestants were in chairs; Raven's a dark purple, Cosmo's a lime green, Yoda's a murky green, Darth Vader's black, Kitten's pink, Luna's silver, Hermione's red and Artimis' blue.

All the contestants looked up to see staremerald sitting in a huge multicolored chair higher than a house. Her hair was purple and braided into a million different braids, each with a different type of bead on the end. Her clothes were sixties style.

"Radical, man!" Artimis snickered. Staremerald looked down at herself.

"What the-" she snapped her fingers but she stayed in the same clothes. "HEY! WHAT GIVES?"

_**The fashion board for this show has decided to make you stay in those clothes.**_

"WHAT!"

_**STAREMERALD! JUST GET ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. "Right, why don't we start with Artimis?" His chair suddenly rose up to her height and he gulped.

"Artimis," she said, "I dare you to…eat some of Starfire's cooking!" Down on the ground, Raven shook her head.

"Poor, poor kid," she muttered.

"And if I refuse?" Artimis asked.

"Then you're a baby."

"I can live with that."

"Oh and did I mention that this is a special dare show were you are forced to do it?"

"What!"

"I have heard that someone has wished for me to make them an as they call it here on earth 'burger?'" Starfire entered the stage and was floated up to the same level as staremerald and Artimis.

"Right here, Starry," staremerald said, pointing at Artimis. Starfire handed him the plate. The burger was black with a purple squishy thing inside.

"What is that?" Artimis asked Starfire. She blushed.

"Well, I 'burnt' the burger and was trying to find a substitute and this was all I could find …it's from Tammeran…hee hee?" staremerald shrugged.

"Works for me. Eat," she ordered the chair. A metal hand appeared from inside the chair, picked up the burger and stuffed it into Artimis' mouth. He swallowed and then turned green.

"You enjoyed it, yes?" Starfire asked.

"I HATED IT!" Artimis shrieked. Then all was quiet until Starfire's eyes turned green.

"You are a horrible boy!" she shouted and began shooting him.

"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.

"O-kay. Hermione next." Suddenly, Hermione's chair lifted above the ground and to Staremerald's level.

"Alright Hermione, since you're a girl-

"AHHH!" Artimis screamed as he ran around narrowly avoiding Starfire's blasts.

"Starfire! I can't talk while he's screaming! Do you mind going somewhere else while I finish?"

"Of course, friend," She said smiling and then picked Artimis up and dragged him outside. They could just barely hear his muffled screams.

"As I was saying, since you're a girl, I'll be nice. I dare you to…say 'I pick my nose when no one is looking' after every sentence until the end of the show!"

"How is that nice?-I pick my nose when no one is looking." Hermione looked shocked. "What the hell?- I pick my nose when no one is looking. AHHHHH!- I pick my nose when no one is looking."

"Bye!" staremerald said and snapped her fingers. Suddenly Hermione appeared in the street. A big television showing her was brought down in front of the audience, staremerald and the remaining, trembling contestants.

"Hello dear," said an old lady as she passed Hermione.

"Hello- I pick my nose when no one is looking," Hermione said and then placed a hand over her mouth.

"You disgusting little girl!" The old lady brought her handbag down on Hermione's head and then walked away.

"Hey, are you Hermione Granger?" asked a little girl.

"Yes-I pick my nose when no one is looking. Oh Dammnit- I pick my nose when no one is looking." The little girl looked disgusted and walked away. Just then, Daniel Radcliffe walked down the road. A goofy smile appeared on Hermione's face. She L-O-V-E-D Daniel Radcliffe. (A.N. notyouraverageblond & Phishy2-Who does that remind you of?)

"Hi Emma Watson," Daniel said. Hermione shook her head. "What's wrong? Do you have laryngitis?" Daniel asked her. Hermione shook her head again and pointed to her throat. "Well, has a cat got your tongue?" Just then, staremerald made a cat appear holding a fake yet real looking tongue with the words 'This is Hermione's tongue' walk past the two. "Okay, a cat really does have your tongue! No wonder you can't talk!" Daniel exclaimed. Hermione rolled her eyes. How dumb was this guy! "What's the matter?" He asked her, noticing her expression. "If the cat really does have your tongue that there's noth-"

"You are such an idiot!- I pick my nose when no one is looking. A stupid person made me say 'I pick my nose when no one is looking' after every sentence!- I pick my nose when no one is looking. And you are so not my idol anymore! I will never ever build shrines dedicated to you anymore and do any private rituals and write about how cute I think your butt is in my journal!-I pick my nose when no one is looking," Hermione shouted. All was silent.

"You think that my butt is cute?" Daniel asked. "Uh, I mean that's really gross." He turned and walked away.

"Oh my god, how embarrassing, okay staremerald, please, take me back!- I pick my nose when no one is looking," Hermione begged. Staremerald, back in the room, sighed, snapped her fingers and Hermione was back in her chair. It was now on the ground and when she realized there had been a TV screen in the room, she turned the same color as her chair.

"Okay, next we'll have Yoda," staremerald said as Yoda's chair grew to her level. He tried to slip out of the chair, but he was too high up to get out. "Right, Yoda, I dare you to…dye yourself multi-colored!"

"Say that you did not!" Yoda protested. Staremerald grinned creepily and said. "Go chair, go!" A similar metal hand like the one that came from Artimis' chair appeared from out of Yoda's chair, grabbed a paint-brush and began painting Yoda. When he was finished, Yoda and a random marshmallow could have been twins except for the fact that marshmallows don't talk backwards, they prefer to talk Timbuctooian, they are not multi-colored, they are not aliens that are an inch tall and they are not strong in the force.

"Look like a random marshmallow I do! Except backwards marshmallows don't talk, prefer Timbuctooian they do, strong in the force they are not, multi-colored they are not and not one inch tall aliens they are!" Yoda complained as he was lowered to the ground.

"Next we'll have Luna!" staremerald said as Luna's silver chair grew to face staremerald.

"I am fearless," Luna said, looking staremerald straight in the eye.

"Yeah, bull Luna, all you say is bull. I know what you're really afraid of!"

"What?" Luna asked smugly.

"Ronald MacDonald!"

"AHHHH! Where!" Luna looked frantically around her chair until staremerald smacked her on the face. "Thank you," Luna said calmly.

"No prob," staremerald said sweetly. "Luna, I dare you to…watch the commercial of the 'Activation Station' birthday episode. (A.N. Okay, for all of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, there is a commercial on Nickelodeon where Ronald MacDonald comes out in this place called the Activation Station. He sings songs with kids; the only ones I've seen so far are the Birthday one and the Soccer one. If you know any more, please review me about them, I'd love to laugh at the idiocy of MacDonald's.)

Staremerald clicked the power button on the remote which just magically appeared and the commercial started. Luna's chair grew seatbelts that tied her into the chair so she couldn't move.

"Happy Birthday!" Ronald Macdonald throwing confetti at the screen. He stopped. "What? You say today's not your birthday? Oh, that's okay, because on birthday day, it's everyone's birthday!"

"AHHHHH!" Luna shrieked.

"_Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you, to you!" _Sang a woman's voice as a bunch of five-year olds danced on a dance floor. Luna seemed to relax. Then it showed Ronald MacDonald again. He was dancing like some loser clown, (A.N. Wait, he is a loser clown!) and he said, "I'm having fun dancing with you!"

"STOP THE TORTURE!" Luna screamed.

"Mwahahahahaha!" Staremerald cackled evilly. She paused. "Wait, my voice isn't loud enough. Let's try again. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She stopped. "Wow, that was really creepy! I rule! I dominate! I rock!" Finally after what seemed like one thousand point nine million hours, the commercial finished with one last,

"Ba Da Ba Ba Ba, I'm loving it!" Then it finished. Luna seemed frozen in terror. She didn't move, not even when she was on the ground and Cosmo began poking her.

"Next, we'll have Darthy!" Darth Vader's chair was lifted off the ground until staremerald was facing him.

"Right, Darthy…I dare you to say 'My heart and soul belong to you and only you and no stupid wannabes can take my love away from you' in this loud microphone.

"Uh," Darthy began reading off the slip of paper, "My heart and soul belong to you and you only and no stupid wannabes can take my love away from you." Staremerald stood up.

"HA HA EVERYONE! DARTH VADER HAS JUST PLEDGED HIS LOVE TO **ME**! HA HA!"

_**Only because you wasted his dare by making him saying that. **_

"What's your point?"

_**Never mind. You may continue.**_

"Well, thank you for wasting 10 seconds of my busy and totally important life." Staremerald shook her head and said, "Next, we'll have Raven." Raven looked extremely bored as her chair was lifted.

"Raven-"

"What?" Raven asked monotonously.

"Raven, you have to let me finish."

"Fine. I'm ever so sorry for interrupting you," Raven said sarcastically. Now staremerald, who didn't understand sarcasm, smiled.

"No prob. Raven, I dare you to…be positive for the rest of the show."

"How am I supposed to be post-" Suddenly, Raven's face lit up. "I understand! There are so many things to be positive about!" She reached over and hugged staremerald. "I love everyone!"

"Unwanted touch," staremerald gasped as she tried to breath, which wasn't easy as Raven was giving her a 'Starfire-Hug'.

"Don't be ridiculous; everyone loves hugs!" Raven said happily. She jumped down from the chair and almost killed herself, but instead of cursing, she smiled and said:

"Well, that was positive."

"What's so positive about almost killing yourself?-I pick my nose when no one is looking?" Hermione asked.

"The fact that I didn't die!" Raven said, giggling. "Duh!" Suddenly, her cloak turned pink.

"What's up with Raven and the amazing Technicolor Dream Coat?" Cosmo asked, making both himself and Raven laugh while everyone else rolled their eyes.

"I'm letting happy out!" Raven said.

"Uh oh…maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," staremerald muttered to herself.

"Okay everyone remember, 'Sharing is Caring!' "Raven said happily. Just then, she spread out her arms and began pretending to be an airplane, complete with pretending to fly and airplane sounds.

"Brooooooooooooooom!" Raven said, running around, pink cloak flying out behind her.

"Okay audience, what do you think of all this? You haven't spoken a lot today, which is surprising, for you guys?" staremerald asked the audience.

"We love your new look, staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I'm thinking of keeping my hair like this permanently, or at least for a few weeks," staremerald answered, shaking her head, so that her beads flew in all directions.

"We love you staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Who do you love?"

"You!"

"I think I must have something stuck in my ear, because I still can't hear you. Who do you love?"

"You!"

"Sorry, you'll have to speak up. Who do you love?"

"YOU!"

_**STAREMERALD! GAME SHOW FIRST AND AUDIENCE LATER!**_

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. "Why don't we have Cosmo next!" Cosmo's chair floated up to staremerald's height.

"Alright, Cosmo-"

"Brooooooooooooooom!" Raven said, still flying around.

"Raven," staremerald began, "Would you mind going outside while I finish this?"

"Oh course!" Raven said, running out of the room.

"Anyway, Cosmo, I dare you to…make Trigon laugh."

_**Presenting…the devil himself…Trigon!**_

Everyone looked at the door, but no one came in.

"Uh, big mysterious voice, no one came in," staremerald said quietly.

_**TRIGON! That's your queue!**_

"Oh sorry," Trigon whispered from behind stage. "Can you start again?"

_**Fine! Hem, Presenting…the devil himself…Trigon!**_

"That's me!" Trigon said, bursting through the front door. "Roar!" He began blasting some of the cheesy decorations on the ceiling.

"Uh, Trigon?" staremerald asked sweetly, "Would you please not blast the cheesy decorations?"

"Oh sorry, sweet pea," Trigon said. "What did you want me to do?"

"Cosmo here," she indicated to the green floating fairy, "Is going to try to make you laugh." She snapped her fingers and a giant chair appeared.

"Please take a seat," staremerald said. Trigon looked at it, blasted half away and then sat down. "He's so evil," staremerald said dreamily.

"Hey," Darth Vader protested, "I'm evil too!" He looked at Kitten and began to choke her.

"Hey! I'm too pretty to be choked," Kitten said in her defense.

"Well Darthy, I don't know…Trigon is pretty cute."

"But I'm cuter, right?" Darth Vader asked.

"Right, begin!" staremerald shouted loudly.

"Uh, There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he was eating his shoe, when he woke up, all he found out was that his dream had come true," Cosmo finished. He waited for some laughing, which there was none. He tried again. " Knock, knock."

"Who's there?" Trigon asked blandly.

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"Oh, don't cry, it's just a joke!" Cosmo finished. Nothing.

"Uh, why did the chicken cross the road?"

"To get away from the idiot who was telling the pointless joke." (A.N. Like father, like Daughter!) Trigon looked up pleadingly at staremerald.

"Nope, I would like you to finish please," staremerald said calmly. Trigon looked evilly at Cosmo who gulped. What made Wanda and Timmy laugh? He made a piano appear and then let it fall, crushing himself.

"HAHAHAHA!" Trigon roared with laughter. "Mortal torture-hilarious!" staremerald picked up the phone and dialed 911.

"9-1-1! What do you mean 911 have changed their numbers!" staremerald shouted into the phone. "Well, what is it now? 9-1-1.1 ? Okay thanks." She re-dialed. "9-1-1.1, hi. Um, could you come pick up Cosmo? Yes, thank you." She hung up. "They can't come." Cosmo turned into a piece of paper, slid out and flew back his seat, bandaged in a million casts.

"Okay Trigon, you can go now. Bye," staremerald said. She snapped her fingers and he disappeared.

"And now last and certainly the least, Kitten." Kitten pouted as her chair floated up.

"Right Kitten, I dare you to…kiss Jabba da Hutt."

"Eww! That slimy guy? Gross!" Kitten said. "I won't do it." Suddenly, Jabba walked in the door and was brought up to their level.

"Kiss. The. Worm. Now," staremerald said through gritted teeth. And just as suddenly as Kitten saw Jabba come in, she felt her lips pucker and leaned down and kissed him.

"EWWWWWWWWWWW! I can not believe I just did that!" Kitten said, spitting everywhere.

"That's really gross," staremerald said as the giant slug was brought down and slithered out the front door. Kitten was lowered down to the ground. Staremerald jumped gracefully from her own, even though it was being lowered. She snapped her fingers and a very burnt looking Artimis and a pink cloaked Raven appeared in their chairs.

"What the next task?" Raven asked happily.

"Writing a poem," staremerald said. All the contestants groaned. Staremerald looked at them all. Raven, dressed in pink, Darthy looking very jealous, Luna, still frozen in fright, Cosmo, looking very battered, Kitten, covered in slime, Hermione angrily looking at the ceiling and Yoda trying to lick the paint off his body but not succeeding. She grinned.

Torturing random stars was fun.

"See you all next time," staremerald called and with that snapped her fingers and they all disappeared. Luna's last thought was 'Hey, I forgot to ask staremerald what Ungraphitable means!'

* * *

Anyway, I gotta go, places to go, people to meet and sugar to eat before I sleep!

Review!


	5. Chapter 5

I am so sorry that it took so long to update...you know, etc etc.

I can't answer reviews now as it is 2:00am so I will do it next time. Thank you all who reviewed. I love reading them and hearing what you think. Keep them coming!

Disclaimer: Don't own any characters in this story.

* * *

"Hey everyone!" staremerald said happily, walking onto the set. The whole audience cheered enthusiastically.

"All right! Everyone begin praising my holy name!" staremerald said.

"Staremerald, staremerald, staremerald, staremerald, staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Damn, it feels good to be queen," staremerald said happily. "Today our guests will be writing poems!"

"Poems! How hilarious staremerald! You rock so much!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"I know, I know," staremerald said, putting up her hands to silence the cheering crowd.

"Why don't we introduce our wonderful guests?" staremerald said.

"Blimey, it's freezing in here!" came a English voice from the ceiling. Everyone looked up on the ceiling to see Spiderman crouched on the top.

"Oh, hey Spidey," staremerald said calmly. Then she looked scared. "Wait, I had a dream about this! Spiderman was really my science teacher, coming to tell me to go do my homework instead of writing fanfiction!" (A.N. Wanna hear something weird? I really did have that dream!)

"Huh?" asked Spiderman, scratching his head in confusion.

"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before saying loudly, "Spidey's right! It is really cold in here! So why don't we heat things up by introducing our guests!"

"Mind if I stay?" Spiderman asked innocently.

"Sure!" staremerald said, grinning. "A superhero on the show, this is great!" She looks at him curiously. "Are you really Spiderman, or my Bed-Head teacher?"

"Eh?" Spiderman asked, scratching his head in confusion.

"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before loudly saying, "And here they are!" She snaps her fingers and the guests appear, dressed in Shakespearian costumes, all the girls/half-demons except Kitten in Ball Gowns and the guys/fairies/aliens/evil sith lords and Kitten wearing the puffy pants and tights.

"You look good in tights, Darthy," staremerald said approvingly, looking Darth Vader up and down.

"Thanks, I think," he replied.

"Why am I wearing a guy costume?" Kitten complained.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a guy," staremerald said apologetically.

"Funny, funny, no," Kitten said rolling her eyes. "You're such a loser!" Suddenly the room became deathly quiet. The whole world seemed silent. The whole universe seemed quiet. Luke Skywalker, on the planet Tatooine, who totally sucks by the way, seemed quiet for the first time in his life.

"Oooooo! You said a bad word!" Cosmo said, moving his finger down his other so that they made a cross shape.

"For shame!" Artimis added, making the same gesture. Then he stopped. "No wait, I hate you." Staremerald rolled her eyes and snapping her fingers, made Starfire appear.

"You are a horrible boy!" she shouted and began shooting him.

"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.

"So what were you saying?" staremerald asked Kitten, pointing at Artimis and Starfire.

"Nothing," Kitten said quickly.

"Anyway, let me show you my totally amazing and interesting costume which I know you are all dying to see." There was a silence. "You all want to see it, right?" staremerald said dangerously, pointing at Artimis and Starfire.

"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.

"Yeah, sure!" the contestants said quickly. Staremerald grinned and snapped her fingers. When she finished, she was dressed as Christine from the Phantom of the Opera, complete with the dark, curly, long hair.

"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye…" staremerald sang opera style.

"She's got such a nice voice…" Darth Vader said dreamily.

"Sorry…Phantom of the Opera moment…"staremerald said quickly. She snapped her fingers and a stage appeared. Also, a judge bench, where staremerald and Spiderman sat down.

"Why don't we have Luna first?" staremerald said calmly. Cosmo pushed Luna onto the stage and she turned back and glared at him.

"Right, my poem's kinda werid-"

"Couldn't see that coming," Spiderman muttered.

"Okay, here goes. And what does the sky remind thee of? An ocean perhaps? Heaven? To me it's a snorgaff. A snorgaff is the most delicate creature, eating only ice cream. Ice cream reminds me of the sky. And what does the sky remind thee of? And ocean perhaps? Heaven? To me it's a snorgaff. A snorgaff is the most delicate creature, eating only ice cream. Ice cream reminds me of the sky. And what does the sky remind thee-"

"What the hell, you're repeating yourself, dammnit!" Spiderman shouted.

"Do you have any proof of that?" Luna asked calmly.

"Uh yes! You just said it!"

"How do you know Luna said it? I could be bionic monkey infused with Luna's DNA."

"Pardon?" asked Spiderman, scratching his head in confusion.

"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before saying loudly, "Next?"

"I'll go," said Cosmo. He floated on stage and then began. "La la la la la Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! The end."

"What the hell was that?" Spiderman and staremerald/Christine/All around better person than Phishy2 said at the same time. "Next!"

"Me next!" said Kitten. She clambered ungracefully onto the stage and screamed: "My name is Kitten and I like, uh, pink-ten and Robbie-Poo-ten and shopping-ten." Christine and Spiderman stared at her.

"You suck at writing poetry dude," staremerald said, breaking the silence. Kitten humphed and walked off.

"Next!" Spiderman said, snapping his fingers like a posh customer at a fancy restaurant.

"Are you sure you aren't bed head?" Christine asked him accusingly.

"Uh…no way," Spiderman said quickly.

"How about Artimis next?" staremerald asked.

"Uh…well…you understand that I'm too busy trying to take over the world to write a stupid poem, right?" Artimis stuttered.

"Oh yes. I understand. You're a big man, too big for writing stupid childish poems," staremerald said in a sugar-coated voice.

"Good. You understand. I thought you would make that crazy alien girl appear aga-"

staremerald snapped her fingers and Starfire appeared.

"You are a horrible boy!" she shouted and began shooting him.

"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.

"How about Raven next?" Spiderman suggested, shouting over Artimis' screams.

"Cool," Raven said, walking forward. "A gentle breeze, from Hushabye Mountain, softly blows o'er lullaby bay. It fills the sails of boats that are waiting, waiting to sail your worries away. It isn't far till Hushabye Mountain, and your boat waits down, by the key. The winds of night, so softly are sighing, soon they will fly your troubles to sea. So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain, wave goodbye to cares of the day and watch your boat, from Hushabye Mountain, sail faraway from Lullaby bay."

"That was…beautiful Raven," staremerald said, wiping her eyes. "In midst of all the screaming coming from a certain idiot."

"Oh my god, she copied that! It's from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'!" Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

"Is this true Raven?" Spiderman said, dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief.

"Yes," Raven said, shrugging, "You never specified whether we could copy or not." She walked off the stage.

"How about you next, Hermione, since you're so smart," Spiderman said. "Do you like science?"

"I find it tedious," Hermione said plainly.

"What?" Spiderman asked, scratching his head in confusion.

"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before loudly saying, "Commence Hermione!"

"Once I found a silver penny,

And when there was one, there was many.

I was richer than a millionaire,

But nowhere near a billionaire,

Once I lost all my money, so I married Harry Potter and became famous."

"That was stupid," Spiderman said plainly.

"You're married to Harry?" staremerald said exitedly. "Has J K Rowling turned around her wicked dead by marrying you to Harry! Yay!" And with that, she did a little victory dance on the table, which was very un-Christine.

_**That's very un-Christine!**_

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. She got off the table.

"Who's J K Rowling?" asked Hermione. "And no, I'm marrying Artimis if he ever asks me but it looks like he's too busy trying not to be blown to smithereens to ask."

"AHHHH!" Artimis screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.

"What does Ungraphitable mean?" Luna asked plainly.

"Next we'll have Darthy!" staremerald said, ignoring Luna. Darth Vader stood on stage and stripped off his clothes.

"Oh, my eyes!" Spiderman said, hiding his face.

"Oh mine!" staremerald said, staring at him. For concealed under his Shakespearian clothes was a itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie pink and purple dot bikini.

"Ahem," Darth Vader began, pulling out a little slip of pink paper. "When I'm mad I go to sleep, my slaves work without a peep…In my dream fluffy bunnies hop, and Magic ponies skip, white, creamy marshmallows do magic tricks! Everything glitters, shimmering and new, oh and so do flowers too! Happy sunshine fills the place, beautiful pink dresses that I wear lined with lace! Fairies dance around merrily, spreading the _love _so cheerily, giant lollipops fill the room, unicorns are nice until-Kaboom! They let one out, and everything dies. But then I tap my heels three times and I appear on the death star, happy and fine!"

"That was frightening," Spiderman said quietly.

"SO WHAT IF I HAVE FANTASIES ABOUT ELMO FROM SEASAME STREET?" staremerald shouted. Everyone looked at her.

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" Darth Vader shrieked.

"I WISH I HAD BRITTANY SPEARS' BOOBS!" Kitten roared. "THEN ROBIN WOULD LOOK AT ME!"

"BUT THEY'RE SO FAKE!" Hermione barked.

"WHO THIS SPEARS IS?" Yoda screeched.

"HOW BIG ARE THEY?" Artimis howled as Starfire tried to shoot him.

"I THINK TOM CRUISE IS SEXY!" Raven bellowed. "WHY ARE WE YELLING?"

"SHE STARTED IT!" Darth Vader screamed, pointing at Christine.

"I LIKE CHEESE!" Cosmo yelled.

"WHAT DOES UNGRAPHITABLE MEAN?" Luna screamed.

"Truly frightening…" Spiderman muttered to himself

"Um, let's have our last contestant for tonight, Yoda!" staremerald whispered.

"Walked up the hill Jill and Jack they did,

To fetch a glass of blue milk, yes.

But strong in the force they were not, so became a slave for Jabba da Hutt Jack did. Jill grew interested in the dark side and became the most feared sith lord ever….Darth Vader!"

"What the hell? How can Jill be Darth Vader, when I'm right here!" Darth Vader objected.

"You could be a bionic monkey infused with Jill's DNA," Luna pointed out.

"But how can I be a monkey if I'm a sith lord?"

"You could be a sith lord infused with a sith lord's DNA."

"She makes my head hurt," Darth Vader whispered to Hermione.

"Yeah, she has that impression on most people," Hermione agreed. (A.N. Luna lovers: Please don't hate me! Luna is my favorite Harry Potter character!)

"Okay people! We'll see you next time when the contestants have to withstand being made fun of and try to ignore the lies we push on them (A.N. Think 'Know your stars' from All That).!" Staremerald cheered.

"Well, gotta swing!" Spiderman turned to leave but staremerald grabbed the back of his mask, so when he moved forward, the mask came off, revealing a certain science teacher.

"I knew it! Oh yeah, uh huh, I rock, woohoo!" staremerald does another victory dance on the table.

_**WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT!**_

"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. She got off the table.

"Staremerald," Spiderman/Creepy stalker science teacher said…well…uh…creepily, "You must stop writing fanfiction and start doing homework!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why must you haunt me in both my dreams and my life?"

_**AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY! SEE YOU ALL IN THE NEXT EXICITING EPISODE OF 'TORTURE THOSE STARS'**_

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Well, that's the end of chapter 5. You know you love me so keep those reviews coming...

staremerald


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, I just wanted to say that the chapters will only focus on one person each time. K?**

**Reviewers:**

**StickLad: That was hilarious! Maybe I should force you onto the show...please leave more poems on your reviews!**

**Phishy2: Thanks for being so supportive, ur the best! And don't be hating on the itsy-bitsy teeny-weenie pink and purple dot bikini! I think he'd be hot in that! (lol) Darthy is a very complicated person, we don't really know what kind of werid thoughts are floating around his twisted mind when he dreams! And sorry I can't tell you what ungraphitable means. Get over it. And Luna's got a good point, doesn't she?**

**BBfan4evah****: Here is your amazing update, extra torture and no mercy!**

**RegisSantia**: **Have you ever seen 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'? Hushabye Mountain is actually a song, but it would make a good poem, wouldn't it? Writing a poem like That's So Raven (pun intented)! **

**xox-Leo-xox**: **Hey! It's not my fault my werid stalker teacher is english! I'm glad it made you laugh...I LOVE YOU CHEESE MAN! I NEED YOUR AUTOGRAPH! cough Sorry cough**

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this story

* * *

"Hi guys!" staremerald called as she walked onto the stage. A huge cheer erupted from the awaiting crowds of people in the stands.

"We love you staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically and carried on like this for a few minutes, until staremerald shushed them with a wave of her hand.

"Now, for the last two challenges, this one and the next, each person will have their own separate chapter. So as you know, today's is the 'insultation' as I like to call it, but I'm having a problem. I don't know how should go first. Can you guys help me?"

"Whatever you wish for, staremerald," the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"Right, so you can vote on these stands in front of you" staremerald said, and snapping her fingers, caused the contestants to appear.

"What the heck is going on?" Raven said, looking at her watch. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Yep, contestant choosing time! Go audience, go!" Staremerald looked at the big screen which began to poll the results: Darthy- 98, Artimis-100, Raven-99, Hermione-50, Luna-50.9, Yoda- 23 and Cosmo-2.

"I like cheese," Cosmo said dreamily.

"Okay audience, you voted it! We'll have the mud boy first!" A chair appeared out of the ground and pushed Artimis center stage. The remaining contestants happily skipped off.

"Dammnit," Artimis muttered.

"Where do you think you're going?" staremerald asked the contestants. They suddenly froze in place and sat down.

"That's what I thought you were doing. Now, we're going to do this a little differently," staremerald explained. She snapped her fingers and she appeared in mime costume. "Sorry, felt the urge. Right, now the big, mysterious voice is going to try and interrogate you, okay?" Artimis nodded weakly.

"Cool-e," staremerald replied, conjuring herself up a fluffy comfy chair. "Whenever you're ready, big mysterious voice."

Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars….Artimis… 

Artimis looked around.

His favorite song is 'I am a girl like you' from Barbie's Princess and the Pauper! 

"What the heck is Barbie?" Artimis asked. Kitten gasped.

"She's like, my role model! She's an inspiration to all evil genius' daughters!" Everyone is quiet. "You people don't know that song? Look, I'll sing-"

"NO!" Staremerald shrieked.

Artimis…he thinks elves are hot! 

"No way! Holly's an elf-"

And you like her! Don't you! 

"What the-"

Don't even try to hide it, my good man, the big mysterious voice knows all and sees all! 

"You lied to me!" Hermione screamed. "You said you loved me!"

"I do love you 'Mione," Artimis said truthfully.

"Whatever," Hermione said turning away.

" 'Mione, I-"

Artimis…tells every girl he meets 'You're the one for me!" 

"WHAT?"

Artimis…he currently has four girlfriends! 

"WHO!"

Artimis…he only wants one thing from them! 

"WHO ARE THE FOUR GIRLS?"

Artimis…he's dating Hermione, Juliet , Holly and his grandma! 

"MY GRANDMA'S DEAD, MORON! AND I ONLY LOVE HERMIONE!

Whatever, you player! 

"JULIET'S JUST MY FRIEND! AND HOLLY SHOULD BURN!"

That's not what you told me yesterday- 

"SHUT UP!"

Artimis…he keeps his grandma in the freezer because he thinks she's hot! 

"SHE'S MY GRANDMA! AND SHE'S BURRIED IN THE FOWL'S GRAVEYARD!"

Same thing! Artimis…he keeps a piece of bacon in his underwear for luck! 

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!If it's so stupid, then why do you do it?

"I don't!"

Artimis…he keeps bacon in his underwear because HOLLY asked him to! 

"EWWW! DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS?"

Yep! She's your girlfriend, mate! 

"GRRRR!"

Artimis…he thinks growling helps attract members of the opposite sex! 

"I DO NOT! DOUBLE GRRRRR!"

Sorry, but I think staremerald's taken… 

"Stay back, weirdo!" staremerald shrieks, running behind Darth Vader.

"You trying to hit on my girl?" he asked Artimis dangerously.

"NO GODDAMMNIT!"

Artimis…I really don't know what his problem is with lying! It's not good mate! 

"You damn morphine, I'll kill you!" Darthy shouted, picking up a chair (using the force) and running towards Artimis, who shrieked like the chicken he is and ran out the studio, followed by an angry sith lord.

"Dun be no hata!" Darthy's voice could barely be heard from outside the door.

Artimis…deserves his punishment…And now you know Artimis, player extraordinaire! 

The crowd clapped.

"And, next week, we have Raven!"

The crowd clapped and Raven fainted.

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That's all for today folks! Review me!

Starry


	7. Chapter 7

Hi Guys! To my reviewers:

tokyo-girlo0o: Here it is, my next chappie!

kiwi wings: Here it is! (Day ja vu!)

RegisSantia: That's funny, I'll definetly add that on the next chapter, when it's his turn! (Does evil laugh) MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

StickLad: Awww, dude you are so good! I love that poem! Write more please!

Phishy2: Shut up. You know you love it.

Schnozberry: Wait till it's her turn!

xox-Leo-xox: By the time I read your review, I had already written up this chapter. Can I add you in next time? YAY BACON BOY AND CHEESE MAN!

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters besides The Big Mysterious Voice!

Oh, and this chapter is a bit...'personal'..

* * *

"What up, my homies?" staremerald shouted as she sauntered onto the stage.

"We love you, staremerald," the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

"I know, I know…" staremerald said. She clasped her hands together and shouted "As you know, last week we had Artimis, who is now currently in the hospital-"

Meanwhile, in the hospital… 

Artimis watched as a female doctor examined him. The doctor began laughing.

"What?" Artimis asked.

"You have a huge scar on your back…it's as if a giant six foot sith lord decided to chuck a chair at you because you were hitting on his girlfriend!" the doctor said between giggles.

"I did not…GRRRRRRRRRR!" Artimis growled. The doctor sighed.

"Didn't you learn your lesson last time? Do you want to be hit with a chair again? Don't growl around show host's boyfriends. They take it personally."

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Artimis repeated. Darth Sidious runs on.

"You damn morphine, I'll kill you!" Darth Sidious shouted, picking up a chair (using the force) and running towards Artimis, who shrieked like the chicken he is and ran out of the hospital, followed by an angry sith lord.

"Dun be no hata!" Darth Sidious's voice could barely be heard from outside the door.

"Did I forget to mention I have a part-time job as a show host?" the doctor called after Artimis. "Did I forget to mention that Darth Sidious is my boyfriend?"

Back on the 'Torture those stars' set… 

"As you know, last week we had Artimis, who is now currently in the hospital and hopefully, will be back in time for the next show. As for today, we have Raven, who claims that she will…uh…"

"I will not be ridiculed, nor will I be annoyed by the arragont voice of the unknown," Raven said.

_**I am too known!**_

"Shut up," staremerald told the big mysterious voice. He did a humph but then was quiet. A chair appeared out of the ground and pushed Raven center stage. The remaining contestants, remembering what happened last time they tried to skip off happily, immediately sat down.

"That's what I thought you were doing," staremerald said sweetly.

_**Are we ready?**_

"Not yet," staremerald called. She snapped her fingers and she was in knight's costume.

_**Are we ready now?**_

"Not yet," staremerald said. She conjured herself up a bean bag and sat down.

_**How about now?**_

"Not yet," staremerald said. She snapped her fingers and a sword and shield appeared.

_**NOW?**_

"Not yet," staremerald called. She turned to Kitten. "If you bug me at all today, I swear I will impale you."

"Me next! Me next!" Cosmo called enthusiastically.

"Such an embarrassment to all kind of the males," Yoda whispered to Darth Vader who nodded.

_**What was the point of the stupid shield, then?**_

"To protect myself," staremerald said. "For two reasons. Number 1: Because if I do impale Kitten, I don't want any of _her _blood on me. Number 2: To clonk Cosmo with if he starts singing."

_**Oh, I see. **_

"Feel free to begin now…" staremerald called, pulling her visor up.

All right… 

"Do your worst," Raven hissed.

Oh don't worry. I will. Raven…she thinks books should burn… 

"What?" Raven turned her head to face the ceiling.

Raven…she wears socks in her bra so Beast Boy will look at her! Well, not really at her face but at her- 

"Hey! Those are real! I can't help it I've developed much faster in puberty than others!" Raven complained.

Raven…her idol is Britney Spears! 

"Now hers are fake!"

Raven…secretly wishes she was Britney Spears! 

Kitten jumped up. "OMG! Me too! Then Robbie-poo would look at me! Well, not at me but at my-"

"Day ja vo," Luna said to herself. (A.N. Chappie 5)

_**Raven…THINKS ROBIN IS HOT!**_

"WTH?"

Raven…the little pervert…watches him in the shower! 

"THAT'S GROSS! I DON'T WATCH HIM IN THE SHOWER!"

_**Sure you don't.** _The big mysterious voice seemed pleased, he was finally getting to her. **_Raven…gets so jealous…Robin always calls 'Starfire!' and never 'Raven!' Raven…she's a poor loser who has to resort to putting socks in her bra because she's got no-_**

"I'M NOT A LOSER!"

_**Sure you aren't…Raven…**_

By now, the Goth was seething.

_**Her favorite tune is '1,2 Step' because it's Robbie-poo's favorite!**_

"I DON'T LIKE ROBIN!"

"I do!" Everyone turned to see Kitten jumping up and down in her seat. She looked angrily at Raven. "I'll…I'll…uh…fight you for him!" staremerald turned around and pushed her sword into Kitten, who fainted. Two hospital men ran over, put her on a stretcher and ran out. (A.N. Don't worry, Kitten will be fine next chapter) Staremerald sighed.

"Oh no, now my sword is dirty," she said, flicking the blood off.

Raven…she loves to do the one two step! Everyone goes one two step! 

"I have no clue what you're talking about…"

_**Raven…she has lost her virginity!**_

"WHAT?"

_**Raven…is a naughty, bad girl!**_

"TO WHO!"

_**Raven…she had sexual intercourse with…Slade!**_

"WHAT? I HATE SLADE!"

_**Raven…she hates Slade because her BOYFRIEND, ROBBIE-POO HATES SLADE! HA!**_

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT?"

_**Raven…the pathetic loser…she waits for the day Robin will ask her to marry him!**_

"I HATE ROBIN TOO! I ONLY LOVE ONE GUY AND THAT'S-" Suddenly, Raven shut her mouth.

_**WHO?**_

"Like I'd tell you," Raven retorted.

_**Raven…she doesn't even know who she likes!**_

"YES I DO! I LIKE BEAST BOY!" Raven screeched. All was silent.

_**Raven…SHE LIKES BEAST BOY! SHE LIKES BEAST BOY! HA HA HAHAHA HA HA HA HA HAHAHA!**_

"Oh do shut up," Raven said, quietly steaming.

_**RAVEN…SHE THINKS BOB THE BANANA IS CUTE! SORRY BB, YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED!**_

"And who, may I ask, is Bob the banana?" Raven asked.

_**Raven…she doesn't even know who Bob the banana is…**_

"WHO IS THE DAMN FRUIT!"

_**Raven…she doesn't know that Bob the banana is an evil banana bent on controlling all fruits and vegetables and using them to take over the human race!**_

"WHAT?"

_**Raven…it's okay, mate, every girl likes at least one bad banana is their lives…**_

Staremerald coughed.

_**Sorry, or Sith Lord…or…GREEN GRASS STAIN! RAE AND BB SITTING IN A TREE…K-I-S-S-I-N-G! FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIDGE, THEN COMES THE DEMENTED HALF-DEMON GREEN THING (I'M NOT SURE YOU COULD CALL IT A BABY) IN A SILVER CARRIDGE!**_

"Shut up," Raven said quietly.

_**Raven…she's with four guys! Slade, Robin, BB and BOB THE BANANA!**_

"I HATE DAMN BANANAS! THEY SHOULD BURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN!" (A.N. Kudos to yours truly and notyouraverageblond on that).

_**Raven…she needs to find her chicken korma and eat it for god's sake! (A.N. You got to put kudos on that too for me!)**_

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT? DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE RAMBLING?"

_**Raven…she lurves BB! She LOVES HIM!**_

"One more comment…and I swear I'll-"

**_HARDY HAR! _**(A.N. Another of my famous sayings) **_Raven…SHE LOVES A DEMENTED VILLIAN, AN EVIL BANANA, A GOOD BOY LOSER AND A GREEN GRASS STAIN! HAAAAAAAAAA!_**

"WHY YOU!" By this point, Raven stood up from her seat, her eyes blazing white with her power.

_**Uh oh….**_

"YOU DAMN MORPHINE, I'LL KILL YOU!" Raven shrieked.

"Hey, that's my saying, you gotta put kudos on it," Darth Vader added. She turned to face him, hissing. "Uh, hee hee, just thought you might care…okay, I'll shut up now," he said, hiding behind staremerald, whimpering.

"Hey, Goth girl, stop scaring my ace boy," staremerald called. Raven turned on her, still hissing, her power coming out of her fingertips. Staremerald yawned and looked at her nails. Her visor banged down.

"Look up," she said, bored. Raven did and a huge piece of concrete fell on her.

"Where do you think your excess power went?" staremerald said to the rock.

"Shut up…" came Raven's voice from beneath the rock. Staremerald pushed her visor up and turned to the awaiting audience.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today," staremerald said. "Next week, we'll have Darthy!" The crowd cheered and Darthy, now out from the back of staremerald's chair said:

"We're friends…you'll be nice to me right?" Darthy said, gulping.

"Sure…I'll be as nice to you as I am to Bob the evil banana…" staremerald said, a evil grinch grin appearing on her face. (A.N. If any of you have seen the cartoon version of 'The Grinch', when he does the evil smile and his hair curls and stuff, that's what I look like right now.)

* * *

Merry Christmas everyone and don't forget to review moi! 

Starry


	8. Chapter 8

Reviewers:

lightanddarklove: BB and Raven are like, the cutest couple. Thank you for your darling review andhope to hear from you (when ya review me-I'm keeping my fingers crossed) soon!

Sticklad: Thank you dude. Your poemsseriously rock. You wouldn't be pissed if I asked you to write another, would ya?

pyrotechnic: You're right. Banana's suck. Especially the evil ones.

xox-Leo-xox: Yay Bacon Boy and Cheese man! Thank you so much. I didn't know I was so funny!

kiwi wings: I used to support Cy/Rae, but I much rather prefer BB/Rae and Cy/Bee now. OMG! I totally forgot that I could have been refering to Bob the Banana when I was talking about BB! I mean, uh, it was all part of my dasterdly plan!

Artemis 85: Thank you.

Schnozberry: You too.

iNVERTED: Thank you! I'm really...comedy gold? I like the sound of that...

ALL OTHER REVIEWERS NOT MENTIONED HERE: I am so sorry. My computer crapped up (ie It wouldn't let me see my reviews) and I had to go to my e-mail and check them there. Some were deleted...THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH AND I'M VERY SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING TO YOU! I HOPE MY COMPUTER IS FIXED BY THE NEXT TIME I UPDATE: THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKING THE TIME TO REVIEW ME THOUGH!

Note: Hilary Duff bashing-yay!

* * *

"Hello everyone!" Staremerald called as she flew on stage. (A.N. A little change never hurt anyone). The crowd was still cheering as enthusiastically as ever. Still floating, she snapped her fingers, and the contestants appeared.

"Hey, how come you can fly?" Hermione asked, noticing that the show host was flying around the room.

"Starfire taught me: 'You must think happy thoughts, friend!', yep, that's what she told me," staremerald said, continuing to soar around.

"Wait, Starfire never tells anyone her secrets," Raven said. "How come she told you?"

"I let her bully Artimis," staremerald said. "You should try it sometime. It's really fun."

"Hey!" Artimis protested.

"So, what happy thought are you thinking about?" Luna asked, dazing off into space.

"Me of course," Darth Vader said smugly, looking at his gloved hand, pretending to be examining his nails. (A.N. Does he even have nails?)

"Sorry Darthy," Staremerald said, landing gracefully on a huge, comfy, soft multi-colored armchair and earning herself a loud cheer from the audience. "I was imagining Kitten and Artimis dying."

"Hey!" Artimis complained. Kitten didn't get it till five seconds later, so she didn't add her arrogant cry of "Hey! You are blessed to even be in my presence!" till then.

"Slow," Raven muttered under her breath.

"Well," staremerald said, snuggling deeper into the armchair, "As most of you remember, it's darling Darthy's turn today."

"Uh, staremerald," Darthy said, stuttering, "Would you…uh…I mean, have you thought about going easier on me at all?" Staremerald looked up at him.

"No-well, yes and no. Yes, I have thought about it, but no, you will suffer along the rest," staremerald said, reaching into her pocket for her mega-cool MP3. (A..N. I might not have an I-Pod, but my MP3 rocks my stripy socks!).

"But-but-I thought you didn't like to see me in pain…" Darthy trailed off. Staremerald had begun laughing.

"Please…" she choked, laughing so hard she began crying, "Who told you that? I love to see everything and everyone in pain!"

"Good luck," Cosmo whispered to Darthy A chair appeared out of the ground and pushed Darth Vader center stage. The remaining contestants immediately sat down. Staremerald snapped her fingers and her hair turned pink.

_**What was the point of that?**_

"I dunno…" staremerald said. "Don't you like it?"

_**NO!**_

"HEY! DUN BE NO HATA ON MY PINK HAIR!" Staremerald shrieked.

_**OH SHUT UP!**_

"Stupid pig…" staremerald muttered, switching her music on and glancing center stage.

_**You ready for this?**_

"No-" Darth Vader began.

"**_Great! Then let's begin! _**

The lights dimmed and Darthy was suddenly all alone.

"Hello?" he called hesitantly.

_**Know your stars…know your stars….know your stars…Darth Vader…he wants to be one of the kids on Kids Bop 8!**_

"What is Kid's Bop?" Darth Vader asked. (A.N. For those of you who don't know, it's a thing they advertise on TV about a CD where kids sing songs like 'Since you been gone' and stuff like that).

_**Darth Vader...since Padme's gone….he can't breathe for the first time, he's so moving on…yeah yeah!**_

"To yours truly!" staremerald called loudly.

_**Darth Vader…wants to be just like Spongebob when he grows up!**_

"Who is Spongebob?" Darth Vader said, confused.

"He's my homeslice!" Cosmo called out. (A.N. You must put kudos on that!) "Me and him…we're…tight!" (A.N. Another one of my random catchphrases).

_**Darth Vader...should watch more TV so he knows who I'm talking about so I can annoy him!**_

"Ha," Darth Vader said smugly. "Up yours!"

_**Darth Vader…his idol is Hilary Duff!**_

"She's dumb!" Darth Vader called.

"You guys have Hilary Duff in that galaxy, far, far away?" Luna asked, giving that I-really-want-to-be-there-right-now look.

"Kidding me are you?" Yoda asked. "Hear her all the time we do: 'yesterday so, yesterday so, just a bird that has flown away I am…'". (A.N. Ha. Yoda's so hilarious. If you didn't get which song that was, it was 'So yesterday' which has got to be the dumbest song in existence).

_**"Darth Vader…isn't there anything that annoys you that I can tease you about?**_

"Nope," Darth Vader said smugly once more. Suddenly, staremerald immediately began singing.

"…I'm the patron saint of the denial with an angel face and a taste for suicidal cigarettes and ramen and a little bag of dope. I am the son of a b-"

_**Staremerald! Explicit lyrics!**_

Staremerald ignored him. "…and Edgar Allen Poe-"

_**STAREMERALD!**_

"What?" Staremerald asked, pulling an ear-phone from her ear. "Can't you see I'm trying to hear a good song here?" (A.N. It was 'St. Jimmy' by Green Day, if you guys care).

_**How can I torture him if you're singing?**_

"I don't know. Your problem, not mine."

_**You're such a b-**_

"Big mysterious voice! Explicit language," staremerald scolded.

_**OH SHUT UP!**_

"Stupid pig…" staremerald muttered, switching her music back on and. She twirled a strand of pink hair around her finger.

_**Darth Vader…hey, can I call you Darthy?**_

"No-" Darth Vader began.

_**Darthy…he's a bed-wetter!**_

"What? That's not true!" Darth Vader tried to stand up from his seat, but it pulled him back down again.

_**Darthy…is denying the truth which obviously means he's a bed-wetter!**_

"What?" Darth Vader repeated more menacingly. But the big mysterious voice wasn't put off. He had finally found a weak spot.

_**Darthy…haven't all you guys wondered where his zipper is on those pants he wears?**_

"Yeah, yeah, I have!" Kitten said, but staremerald shot her a death stare.

"You should not even be looking there…"

_**Darthy…he has to wear pampers to bed! Padme was always so embarrassed, but Darthy was happy. He was a big boy, wearing big boy underwear!**_

"WHAT?"

_**Darthy…he's a big kid now!**_

"I do not wet the bed!"

_**Sure you don't! Darthy…is obviously very embarrassed about his bed-wetting situation! What's wrong Darthy? Pampers to itchy for ya?**_

"I DO NOT WEAR PAMPERS!"

_**Sure you don't! Darthy…not only does the loser wet the bed…but he wants to forget that dream of becoming Spongebob and become…A SINGER!**_

"WHAT!"

_**Darthy…this is all a bit over whelming for the loser. Not only has he become a singer, but he also has become a big-boy…sigh…it seems like only yesterday he was riding a bike with training wheels…**_

"I have proof!" Artimis ran forward, holding a pink bike with purple handles and pink tassels. The bike had training wheels on it. "Look!" he called, happy to be teasing someone again. "He still has training wheels on it! He-" suddenly, Artimis began choking. Staremerald glanced suspiciously at Darthy, who was slowly closing his fingers, using the force to choke Artimis. He looked up at her, embarrassed to be caught, but she nodded at him to continue. No one else noticed. They were all to busy watching Artimis choke and cheering at the fact that he was in pain.Staremerald grinned. Revenge time.

"Can you shut up?" she asked Artimis. "Or at least, die more quietly? I can't hear my music…"

_**Darthy…he is really Avril Lavienge in disguise!**_

"Oh man, why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" Darthy said, groaning.

_**Avril Lavienge…told y'all he was a singer!**_

"Not true!" Darthy protested. The big mysterious voice ignored him and continued.

_**And now you know Avril Lavienge, the bed-wetter!**_

"HEY! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! DON'T IGNORE ME!" Darthy shrieked.

"What is your problem?" Hermione asked, looking at him strangely.

"Well, it's werid: you see, sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out."

"No really? I never would have guessed…" Hermione said, bored. She began watching Artimis, who was still choking.

"I laugh myself to sleep it's my…lullaby, in a way," Darthy said. Artimis' cell phone rang. Darthy let him go and Artimis asked:

"Hello?" Then he grinned. "Yeah, Stacey, can I come over after school? Well, not really school, but when I get home? We can hang around by the pool." He paused. "Yeah, did your mom get back from her business trip? Is she there, or is she trying to give me the slip?" He waited again. "What do you mean you don't know?" He groaned and then hung up.

"Who was that?" Hermione asked icily.

"Stacey," Artimis said.

"Another one of your numerous girlfriends?" Hermione said dangerously.

"Well, not really Stacey…but Stacey's mom…" he sighed. "Man, she's got it going on…"

"I WILL GET REVENGE ON YOU!" Darthy screamed at the ceiling. "THEN YOU SHALL PAY! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU KNEW…?" He began crying. "SOMEONE PLEASE: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS CONFUSION, I'M UNABLE COME AND TAKE ME AWAY!"

"Uh…what does Ungraphitable mean?" Luna asked plainly.

"Yeah, well, uh, next week we'll have Luna," staremerald said, looking embarrassed as her future-husband continued crying and yelled: "I'D RATHER BE ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY PLEASE!"

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Author's Note: Here's your chance to be in my story! First reviewer to tell me the four Avril Lavinege songs Darthy kept singing (by accident when he was speaking) will be featured in the next chapter. Tell me your hobbies, and your style. Are you a girl? A boy? Are you nerdy? Are you bubbly? Are you gothic?-I will have to make a best judgement on what I think you're like, so don't flame me if I make you friends with a star you hate!

FLAMERS AND HATERS BOUNCE OFF THIS PAGE! I DO NOT ACCEPT FLAMES!

And as always:

Review!


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